Ren' Ai Jiken - chap 1

It's strange how much your feelings for a person can change over time. Within a year, Ichigo and Renji had become comrades, within two months they had become friends and then within six months, they had become lovers. It was really strange, unbelievable even that sometimes Renji wondered if it was real. Sometimes he felt it was just a wonderful dream he'd wake up from and be left with nothing. But it wasn't and he could tell.

Whenever Ichigo would hug him, kiss him, love him... He felt this incredible warmth and calming. He felt at peace with himself. But even though it felt incredibly right, it was still incredibly wrong so they kept it from people. They had never told a soul and most of their time together was spent in the middle of the night in Ichigo's room behind locked doors.

I was another one of those nights but was slowly slipping into day. Ichigo groaned as the dim rays of light hit his fluttering eyes. He pulled the covers closer and gripped tighter to his lover who was curled around him. He looked up at Renji's still sleeping face and sighed. “Don't even try, I know your awake.”

A few moments later, Renji's mouth was turning into a small smile and his eyes opened slowly to meet Ichigo's. “Mornin'.” He said lazily.

Ichigo looked back up at him, a lazy, blank expression on his face. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. “Get up. We can't lay here all day. You need to get out before someone sees you.”

Renji grumbled and slowly unwrapped his arms from around Ichigo. He sat up and swung his legs off the bed, letting the soles of his feet rest on the hard wood before standing. Ichigo scrambled over the bed and stood too. He waisted no time and quickly made his way to his closet where he gathered his school uniform. He heard Renji grumble behind him as the shinigami slipped back into his cloths that were carelessly discarded around the room from the previous night's activity's.

After several moments they were both dressed and ready. Renji adjusted his sleeve and the folds of his shihakushō before tying on his headband and turning back to Ichigo.

The boy was adjusting that ridiculous (or so Renji thought) vest they made the students wear. Of course there was a frown on those soft lips but instead of a scowl, Ichigo looked to be in deep thought. He almost looked... pained.

Renji sighed and had to turn his head away. Something had been up with Ichigo. Renji didn't know what it was, but he had a hunch and it scared him. Ichigo had always been moody and sometimes down right depressing but ever sense he got together with Renji, things seemed worse. Now instead of meaningless fights and shouting matches, Ichigo spoke to him like he was annoyed with the redhead all the time. He seemed to sit idle for hours and just have this blank expression like he was in deep thought or concentrating and if Renji tried to get his attention, Ichigo would look up at him and just stare. Just stare as if he was looking through Renji, like he didn't care, like no one was there.

And then there was that other matter. Ichigo never told Renji he loved him. Then again, Renji hadn't ether but he knew Ichigo knew and he hoped Ichigo felt as strongly as he did. They did have their moments though. Like when they would lay together after sex, tightly wound around each other in a sweat embrace. Or when Ichigo would hold Renji and comfort the shinigami whenever he was stressed or upset. Or how Ichigo would sometimes kiss Renji lightly, meaningfully... Renji was sure he loved Ichigo, there was no other way to describe it. But did Ichigo?

Renji sighed and turned back to Ichigo, taking a cautious step forward. “Ichigo...?”

Ichigo didn't turn but he glanced momentarily at Renji from the corner of his eye. Renji took another step and watched as Ichigo's body tensed slightly.

“What is it?” Ichigo asked, his voice hinting towards small signs of aggravation. Renji stopped and opened his mouth, only to immediately close it again. He continued this a few more times before sighing and looking down.

“Ichigo,” Renji said again. “Do you...” Renji stopped and sighed again, this time scratching his head nervously.

“What is it Renji? What do you want?” Ichigo asked, the aggravation and annoyance in his voice now more apparent.

What do I want? Renji thought angrily to himself. I want to know how you feel! Why your so god damn unhappy all the time! Why I'm never good enough for you! Why you've been so cold sense you've been with me! Why you act like you hate me! I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU LOVE ME!

“It's nothing.” Renji said, averting his gaze again. “Just forget it.”

Ichigo sighed impatiently and muttered a small “whatever” before walking to his desk and collecting his homework to put in his school back.

Renji watched Ichigo a moment longer, the boy's back still turned to him. Renji wanted to grab Ichigo by the color and demand he tell him but he wouldn't let his anger get the better of him. No, Renji was better than that. Renji was stronger.

“I left some things in the bath room, I'll be right back.” Renji turned and walked out of Ichigo's door and down the hallway without a word of recognition from Ichigo.

-/-/-/-

“Oi, oi! Did Renji spend the night again?”

Ichigo looked down at the lion like stuffed animal that now stood on his bed and looked at him suspiciously. He really wasn't in the mood for any of the bugger's questions. He was already behind as it was, Renji had worn him out and made him over sleep by a few minutes.

Ichigo's stare became a glare as he turned back to his bag which sat on the desk as he prepared it. “That's none of your fucking business, Kon. Leave me alone.”

Kon raised one of his almost nonexistent eyebrows and began to study Ichigo. “Oh?” He said, putting a plushie paw to his chin. “You two sure do seem to be acting differently lately and why do you send me away when he spends the night, huh? It's not fair!”

Ichigo sighed in annoyance and resisted the urge to rip the lion plushie apart. He needed to finish getting ready. His friends would be there soon and he also wanted to leave before Renji came back.

“Listen, Kon, Renji needs space while he's here, okay? You don't. So shut up and deal with the fact that your not important enough to be cared for.”

Kon was about to shout back with a barrage of curses and swear words when a loud, sudden, and sharp howl cut through the air. Ichigo recognized it immediately as his substitute shinigami license and quickly retrieved it from his back pocket. He growled and thrust the thing to his chest, forcing his soul out and grabbing hold of Kon.

“Wait, What the hell are you--?!” Kon's shouts where abruptly stopped when Ichigo forced the pill from the plushie's stomach popped it into his mortal body.

“Just shut up and wait 'till I get back!” Ichigo growled as he readied to jump out the window. “Don't do anything weird with my body!”

Kon was about to shout back but Ichigo was already gone. Kon just scowled and crossed his arm's, pouting at staring at the window where he last saw Ichigo. He grumbled and growled and tapped his foot impatiently. “Bastard... Better get back soon...”

“Ichigo.”

Kon heard the sudden call from behind and was tempted to turn. If he wasn't mistaken, the voice was Renji's which meant the shinigami hadn't left yet. Kon didn't bother to turn but glanced out of the corner of his eyes like Ichigo had earlier.

There were several moments of silence before there was a deep sigh and a light foot fall from behind Kon. The next thing he knew, two strong arms were worming their way under his arms and across his chest where rough sword calloused hands rest over his and worked their fingers in between his.

“I'm sorry, Ichigo.” Renji whispered lightly across Kon's neck. He nestled his face in the crook of Kon's neck and kissed it lightly.

Kon felt as Renji's chest pressed against his back and sent electricity throughout his whole body. Kon jumped and shuddered, surprised by the sudden contact and soft kisses that Renji now littered his neck with.

W-W-What the hell?! What does he think he's doing?! Kon thought frantically. This is Ichigo's body! Wait... he thinks I'm Ichigo. He... thinks... I'm...

Kon let the realization of that though sink in. Renji though he was Ichigo which meant... which meant...

NO WAY! NU-UH! DON'T TELL ME IT'S TRUE!

Renji's kisses stopped momentarily only to be replaced by his hot breath. Kon shuddered again and felt as his hands became limp and his knees weak. Oh man, oh man! What do I do?!

“Ichigo...” Renji called again. Kon was almost inclined to correct him, to shout at him and not call him that filthy name but he maintained his cool. He wanted to hear what Renji had to say.

“Ichigo, I'm sorry. I know you've been really uptight lately and I don't know why but it's apparent I haven't been helping much at all.”

Kon just nodded and gulped. What could he say? He had no idea what to do in this situation.

“Ever sense we started... being together, you've just seemed so miserable. I feel like... you hate me.”

Kon shuddered again but not because of Renji's warm breath or the feeling of the man wrapped closely around him. It was Renji's voice. He just sounded so incredibly... sad. Kon nodded weakly again and this time his body relaxed a little.

“Ichigo...” Renji spun Kon around but still held him tightly. He looked long and hard into those big brown eyes he didn't know was not his lover's. Kon looked back up into Renji's cold dark red eyes that were narrowed and shimmering with what Kon thought were tears. Kon felt a strange tug at his heart and couldn't help but feel an over whelming desire to comfort the man.

“Ichigo, I love you.” Renji said, his voice rough and shaky. “But I don't know if you feel the same.”

Renji looked into Kon's eyes again, red swirling with chocolate brown. Kon felt his breath hitch and run short. His chest felt compressed and ached. It was all so strange. He had never hurt like this before, never felt this sort of pain, and he defedantly wasn't expecting to be overwhelmed like this by Renji.

Kon tried to speak but it can out squeaked and raspy. He coughed to clear his throat before working past the lump in his throat and looking back up at the hurt shinigami. “I...” He paused for a moment, surprised bt the sound of his own voice. “I... love you too... Renji...”

Kon couldn't stop the words from coming and when he realized exactly what exactly he just said, it was too late to take it back.

He didn't care.

Renji was smiling now. Instead of the previous distressed, sad, lost, frown now there was a light, soft smile that made the weight and pain in Kon's chest begin to lift.

Then there were lips on his and a tounge poking at his lips which he opened up for. Kon's mind was spinning, whirling. He couldn't believe he was kissing Renji. Kissing Renji! The things he did for that Ichigo... but if it was just for Ichigo, why did his heart feel so light and why were his fingers threading through Renji's hair and why oh why was he enjoying it?!

Kon pulled back slowly and felt Renji embarrassed him again, whispering soft things in his ears. Kon shuddered again. This was all too much. All too strange how he could feel that way from a simple kiss and he didn't even like Renji!

Or do you?

Kon shunned the thought away a refrained from hitting himself. No way. He thought. I don't like Renji! That's just absurd! Besides, apparently him and Ichigo have a thing going on so it's not like Renji could love me.

For some reason that sent another wave of pain through Kon's body where it settled in his chest. Kon tried to shrug it away but only made it worse. DAMN IT! I DON'T LOVE RENJI!

“I'll see you later.” Renji smiled down at him.

Kon snapped back into reality and tried quickly to formulate some response. “O-Oh... Yeah, sure... See you later then...”

“Yeah, see ya.”

Renji kissed Kon's forehead before picking up Zabimaru and jumping out of the window and back to Urahara Shoten. Kon stared for what felt like forever after Renji. He put a hand to his head and tried to force off the odd sensations and thoughts that began to plague him.

NO! He told himself. There's no way I love Renji!